I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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