She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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