He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
