Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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