I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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