I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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