i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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