This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
