I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
