He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
