I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
