well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
