Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
