Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
