we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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