And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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