Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
