We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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