whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
