At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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