Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he fucked my hip out of place.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
