Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
