i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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