NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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