my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
