they need to just BURY HIM!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
