Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
