sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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