you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
