I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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