ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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