That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
