Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
