I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
