I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
