also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
