Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
