The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
