God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
