Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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