this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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