Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
