well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
