Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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