K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
