All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
