I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
