i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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