CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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