Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
