You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
