I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
