I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
