So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
