I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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