If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
