I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
