she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
