i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
