I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
