to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
