Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
