I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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